NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,
the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor ****er for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the ****er who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use
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New Stock Market Terms
How the stock market really works?
In a tiny village, a man decided to engage the villagers by offering them some work.
He announced that he would buy monkeys from them for Rs 10 per monkey. So, the villagers began catching them by the dozen, and as promised the man paid them.
But pretty soon the villagers became laid-back and the pace of work slowed down. So, the man offered to pay Rs 20 for every monkey they caught.
The villagers started catching monkeys with a vengeance, again. But pretty soon the supply diminished, and people returned to their farms. The going price was raised to Rs 25 and then, Rs 50.
Then one fine day the man had to visit the city and asked his assistant to take over.
The assistant came up with a new game place. He asked the villagers to buy the same monkeys that were sold by them for Rs 35 and sell them to the man for Rs 50. The villagers queued up with all their savings to buy the monkeys.
After some days, neither the man nor the assistant could be found. There were monkeys all around!
Thats really how a stock market works..
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A pug with an attitude
A pug poses for the cameras during a dog fancy dress competition held at the Mahalaxmi race
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Worst parents of the year
6th place goes to
5th place goes to
4th place goes to
Bronze medal goes to
Silver medal goes to
Gold medal goes to
Politics Explained
FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.
PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.
DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.
LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
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