New Stock Market Terms

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS




CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.




CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.




BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.




BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance,

the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.




VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.




P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.




BROKER -- What my broker has made me.




STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.




STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.




STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.




FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.




MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.




CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.




YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor ****er for $240 per share.




WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you’re the ****er who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.




INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.




PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use